Thoughts about My First Spanking

Hi Everyone...I said I would get back to my thoughts about my first spanking. I actually hadn't thought about it for quite some time. And I have to admit I haven't played with him since. It's not that he's a bad person or a bad spanker or anything. We just never clicked. I still see him at parties.

I suppose what helped me was that I didn't romanticize either the spanker or the spanking. If I had it might have really made the whole thing a big turn off for me. In my mind, I was conducting an experiment. I had about thirty-five years of fantasizing behind me. I wanted to know if the reality would match my fantasy. It didn't, but at least I found the process somewhat enjoyable and that I was a real spanko. I just found it odd that he didn't talk much. He didn't seem to enjoy it himself. It seemed like he was going through the motions. I think he expected me to be more demonstrative or something, but I had no idea what he expected from me. This was my first spanking. I didn't know how to react or anything, so I didn't. I just kind of laid there and tried not to move too much. It wasn't a total loss. I found out some things that day about spanking and myself. I learned that I was never again going to be uncommunicative with my spanker. If he didn't want to talk, that was too bad, I was going to communicate whether he liked it or not. If I didn't like something I was going to speak up and too bad if he didn't like it. I didn't care if it shattered his illusions about the "fantasy" or not. Some things are more important than that. That's why I always say negotiate, negotiate, negotiate...that way there are no surprises and you don't have to maybe ruin a scene for someone else or yourself by safewording or stopping the spanking.
The first time I dropped my jeans and got over his lap, I said to myself (I might even have said it out loud), "I can't believe I'm doing this." It was as if the first 40 years of my life hadn't existed. There was no time before this. I was reborn in that moment when his hand met my bottom for the first time and I let out that little "oh!" of surprise. Even though this spanking had been somewhat disappointing, I knew there were other men (and women) with other styles and I just had to find the people who fit my style, whatever that was.