Thursday, November 22, 2007

What I'm Thankful For

Just wanted to take a moment today to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for this year (and every year) and you can bet I won't forget to go to The Source and say a sincere "Thank you" for everything I have.

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. I liked Christmas when the season started the day after Thanksgiving, not before Halloween. I think I liked Christmas a lot better before "door buster" and "early bird" sales that required me to get out of bed on a cold morning at an ungodly hour. So Thanksgiving, with it's connections to family and friends (not to mention food) has always been my favorite.
This year I do have a lot to be thankful for. My home, my family and friends, living another year to celebrate Thanksgiving. But I also have my spanking friends to be thankful for. Without you, I would never be able to take this fantastic voyage of discovery. A mere five years ago, I still thought I would never get to indulge this side of myself. I thought spanking was something I was destined to always just fantasize about; that I would never know the thrill of being over someone's knee, with my panties down, getting that spanking I so desperately wanted.
So I wanted to take a moment to say a sincere and heartfelt "Thank You" to anyone who might be reading this who has supported me, helped me or spanked me throughout the last five years. I have learned so much and I am so very thankful to all of you.
Thanks to you I have lived what I only dreamed about before. You have brought me happiness and I hope I have returned the favor.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Friday, November 16, 2007

When It's Over

If I have learned anything since becoming active in the scene, it's that we are first and foremost, people. Before we are anything else, we are human beings. Misunderstandings still occur and feelings can still be hurt, no matter how much two people might like each other or how long they have known each other.
Recently, one of the very first Tops I ever met in the spanking scene, ended our friendship. I am still confused and hurt over this and I am still trying to figure out why this happened.
He has always been a little bit of a diva. Appearances were everything and it always had to be about him. We played on his schedule, when it was convenient for him, or when the whim struck him. I wouldn't hear from him for weeks and then poof! He would get the itch to play and just expect me to be available. If my work schedule didn't allow that, he would pout for a few weeks and then I wouldn't hear from him again until he got over it. Now, when we did get together to play, he pampered me beyond belief with dinners or lunches and chocolate. Once he bought me a new keyboard for my computer for my birthday because I didn't have the money for it and he missed our chats. And he had some lovely toys that I absolutely loved.
Lately, however, I was noticing a change in his behavior. He had suggested getting together for my birthday (which is on New Year's Eve) but I had told him I had no idea what my work schedule would be. Granted, it took me a few days to answer his email. Everyone who knows me knows if they write me they can expect to wait a few days for an answer. It's not me being rude, it's just that every day I can receive between 100 and 150 emails and I have to sort through them. If I get a day behind, which is usually what happens, then it takes even longer for me to respond. But he wrote me a few days later accusing me of ignoring his email and his generous offer. I wrote him back that he has known me for almost five years and he knows how long it takes for me to go through my emails. I wasn't ignoring his email but I didn't yet have an answer for him. Now, let me clarify that we had a spanking thing going on. We were never romantically involved, and he certainly wasn't my Dom. We were friends who enjoyed getting together for play. Well, when I wrote him again and told him I had no idea what my schedule would be since it was about two months away, imagine my shock when he said a bunch of mean things about me and then had the audacity to tell me "don't contact me again". I would write him back just to get the last word but I know he would just delete the email without reading it, so why bother? This last email just confirmed in my mind what I had really always known: he hadn't really taken the time to get to know me. I was just a bottom for him to spank when the urge hit.
So, when it's over what do you do? You go out there and find someone else to play with. Even though my feelings are hurt and I am afraid of being hurt like this again, you still have to take that chance. But I will approach this all differently from now on and I will take the time to really get to know the people I currently play with. If he just wanted a bottom to spank why didn't he just get a blow up doll or something? That way, she could be available all the time and he wouldn't feel obligated to buy her dinner or anything.
So lesson learned: even after five years, how much to do you really know someone? You only know what someone lets you find out. I always knew this man was not the same person I was. For one thing, he was always throwing his college education in my face. Not in a mean way, but he just always made sure I knew he had two degrees and a better job than I had. In fact, everything he had was better than what I had. In his mind, that made him a better person than me.
I know I should be very sad that he is no longer in my life, but I have to say it was almost a blessing. He could no longer hide his superior attitude and I could no longer hide how much it hurt my feelings. We were just bound to drift apart.
That's why I always say be honest about what your needs are. If he had told me "I only play when the mood hits me. I'm not a 24/7 spanko" it would have made a difference. I probably would have still gotten together with him, but I wouldn't have invested five years in a friendship with him. I just wish it hadn't taken five years for me to realize I wasn't his type of bottom and he wasn't really what I was looking for in a top. But I thought we were more than just a bottom and a top. I thought we were friends and we probably were. I just didn't see that he was looking to end his friendship with me (probably because he either found someone closer to home or more his "speed") and he would use any excuse to do it.
So when it's over don't be afraid to get back out there and meet new people. I am having a lot of fun looking for new people to play with. Life marches on so don't waste one precious day of it having regrets or being sorry. Take your memories with you when you leave and remember them fondly, but whatever else you do, please move on. I know he has.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

"Bad Little Girl" (and other nonsense)

I was going through some old emails the other day (I printed out every email I ever received in my early days in the scene) and one phrase permeates a few of them: "bad little girl". In those early days, I would blush at the thought that an over 40 woman could be a "little girl" of any kind, much less a bad one. Now, when I see that phrase, it really makes me angry. I think the phrase angers me so much because of the punishment conotations; someone decided for me that they were in charge and would decide when I was a "bad little girl" in need of a spanking. At first, when someone would post a message to one of the groups I belonged to saying I was a "bad little girl", I would just protest and proclaim I was an angel. Now, the phrase rankles me to the point where it is almost an insult especially if the guy doesn't know "me", but simply my reputation as a brat. Now, when I'm playing I don't mind being called "young lady" or "Missy" or something, but I hate anything that starts with the adjective "little"; "little girl" or "little one" anger me. And I hate it when someone asks me, while playing, "Is this what bad little girls get?" or some other such nonsense. I have nothing against those who like those little scoldings, but if you're a Top ask if this is a desire or not. There are those of us out there who don't like it. This is usually coming from someone who wouldn't spank a real life "bad little girl" because he doesn't believe in spanking children. Well, if you don't believe in spanking children (for whatever reason) why are you spanking me and calling me a "bad little girl"? I can't explain it but as soon as I hear "bad little girl" or some version of it, the scene is usually ruined for me. I have told the people I play with that I just get spanked for fun. I am not a "bad little girl" and I don't get spanked for punishment. Most have been understanding. But there are still a few who persist in believing a 40+ year old woman can somehow be a "bad little girl". Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I don't have an inner child who needs to be spanked, nurtured, held accountable, or punished for being "bad". I am a grown woman and I demand to be treated that way, even when I'm over someone's knee getting a spanking. Another thing I think is absolutely ridiculous is standing in the corner. I will not do it for anyone. Now, as I always say, I have nothing against those who enjoy this, but for me, it's just too humiliating and would ruin what might otherwise be a very fun scene. Just another case of "different strokes for different folks". What I might find horrible and humiliating, another bottom might find fun. In fact, I know many bottoms who enjoy corner standing. I am just not one of them. In fact, I am not a fan of any behavior where a man has decided he's in charge and I will just do what he says. If, while we're playing, he scolds me by saying, "You've been a very naughty girl and now I have to spank you to help you remember not to be naughty", he will be met by a very loud "YAWNNNNNN". That tells him to go a different direction. Play should always be fun for both participants. If only one person is having fun it's time to speak up and I have no problem with that. Keep it fun and I can play all day! :)

Monday, November 5, 2007

Spanking: Male vs. Female

Having just returned from a very fun party, there are a few things about the spankings I received last weekend that have stuck in my mind.

When I went to my first party, in fact my first few parties, I swore I would never enjoy being spanked by another woman. I naively thought if people knew I played with women they would think I was a lesbian. I had a lot to learn.

I discovered at about my fourth party that I enjoy being spanked by women. For one thing, after a day of getting pummelled by big, strong male Tops, it was nice to get a nice, relaxing spanking from a woman. Not that women can't or don't spank hard; they do. But I have yet to come across a woman who can spank as hard as a man. I'm sure they are out of there, but that is not the reason I play with women.

In my experience, women tend to be more nurturing and "motherly", especially when spanking another woman. They are more apt to offer aftercare and want you to stay around and talk afterwards. I love having "girl talk" while my favorite female top spanks me.

Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy a spanking from a strong man the best. But I enjoy spankings from women for other reasons. A spanking from a woman has different sensations than the spanking a man might give you. For one thing, women usually have smaller hands, which makes for a different feel. Even toys have a different sensation when used by women vs. men. So now, I have no problem accepting that offer to play from a woman. I remember the first time a woman turned me over her knee. The sensation of being over a woman's knee was new and unfamiliar. But she was patient with me and I could tell she was used to being in charge. She didn't skimp on the warm up and she unloaded her entire toy bag on me, buggy whip and all. At first I was afraid of this instrument. But the sting was delightful and the marks it left were very pretty. The same toy in a man's hands feels very different. I will never forget that woman for introducing me (in the most wonderful way possible) to being spanked by another woman. There was nothing sexual about it and no one accused me of being a lesbian. Those were misconceptions I had in my own mind. Ones that I had to disabuse myself of. So, I still love spanking from men the best, but there are a few women who, if they ask me to play, I don't turn them down. On Saturday night, just as I was beginning to get sleepy, my favorite female top asked me to play. It was perfect timing as I was getting ready to head to bed. She gave me the most wonderful spanking and sent me off to bed with a glowing, warm bottom. We talked for about an hour after we were done playing. Just talking about everything...spanking, life, religion, etc. She is a wonderful friend and a good spanker. Although spanking by another woman isn't everyone's cup of tea, I am not sorry I decided to "go there". I think when we start out on this journey, we all have something that is taboo; something we say we will absolutely never do. Getting spanked by another woman was mine. And I had decided for stupid reasons that this wasn't going to happen. I let my own misconceptions and preconceived notions keep from me from enjoying something that has been very satisfying for me emotionally. I'm not advocating doing something you know would be damaging to you emotionally or physically and I'm not suggesting that someone "talked me into" doing this thing I said I would never do. It's just that curiosity got the best of me and I'm very glad it did.