When It's Over

If I have learned anything since becoming active in the scene, it's that we are first and foremost, people. Before we are anything else, we are human beings. Misunderstandings still occur and feelings can still be hurt, no matter how much two people might like each other or how long they have known each other.
Recently, one of the very first Tops I ever met in the spanking scene, ended our friendship. I am still confused and hurt over this and I am still trying to figure out why this happened.
He has always been a little bit of a diva. Appearances were everything and it always had to be about him. We played on his schedule, when it was convenient for him, or when the whim struck him. I wouldn't hear from him for weeks and then poof! He would get the itch to play and just expect me to be available. If my work schedule didn't allow that, he would pout for a few weeks and then I wouldn't hear from him again until he got over it. Now, when we did get together to play, he pampered me beyond belief with dinners or lunches and chocolate. Once he bought me a new keyboard for my computer for my birthday because I didn't have the money for it and he missed our chats. And he had some lovely toys that I absolutely loved.
Lately, however, I was noticing a change in his behavior. He had suggested getting together for my birthday (which is on New Year's Eve) but I had told him I had no idea what my work schedule would be. Granted, it took me a few days to answer his email. Everyone who knows me knows if they write me they can expect to wait a few days for an answer. It's not me being rude, it's just that every day I can receive between 100 and 150 emails and I have to sort through them. If I get a day behind, which is usually what happens, then it takes even longer for me to respond. But he wrote me a few days later accusing me of ignoring his email and his generous offer. I wrote him back that he has known me for almost five years and he knows how long it takes for me to go through my emails. I wasn't ignoring his email but I didn't yet have an answer for him. Now, let me clarify that we had a spanking thing going on. We were never romantically involved, and he certainly wasn't my Dom. We were friends who enjoyed getting together for play. Well, when I wrote him again and told him I had no idea what my schedule would be since it was about two months away, imagine my shock when he said a bunch of mean things about me and then had the audacity to tell me "don't contact me again". I would write him back just to get the last word but I know he would just delete the email without reading it, so why bother? This last email just confirmed in my mind what I had really always known: he hadn't really taken the time to get to know me. I was just a bottom for him to spank when the urge hit.
So, when it's over what do you do? You go out there and find someone else to play with. Even though my feelings are hurt and I am afraid of being hurt like this again, you still have to take that chance. But I will approach this all differently from now on and I will take the time to really get to know the people I currently play with. If he just wanted a bottom to spank why didn't he just get a blow up doll or something? That way, she could be available all the time and he wouldn't feel obligated to buy her dinner or anything.
So lesson learned: even after five years, how much to do you really know someone? You only know what someone lets you find out. I always knew this man was not the same person I was. For one thing, he was always throwing his college education in my face. Not in a mean way, but he just always made sure I knew he had two degrees and a better job than I had. In fact, everything he had was better than what I had. In his mind, that made him a better person than me.
I know I should be very sad that he is no longer in my life, but I have to say it was almost a blessing. He could no longer hide his superior attitude and I could no longer hide how much it hurt my feelings. We were just bound to drift apart.
That's why I always say be honest about what your needs are. If he had told me "I only play when the mood hits me. I'm not a 24/7 spanko" it would have made a difference. I probably would have still gotten together with him, but I wouldn't have invested five years in a friendship with him. I just wish it hadn't taken five years for me to realize I wasn't his type of bottom and he wasn't really what I was looking for in a top. But I thought we were more than just a bottom and a top. I thought we were friends and we probably were. I just didn't see that he was looking to end his friendship with me (probably because he either found someone closer to home or more his "speed") and he would use any excuse to do it.
So when it's over don't be afraid to get back out there and meet new people. I am having a lot of fun looking for new people to play with. Life marches on so don't waste one precious day of it having regrets or being sorry. Take your memories with you when you leave and remember them fondly, but whatever else you do, please move on. I know he has.