Limits

Safety in the scene is one area where I am constantly on my soapbox. I have often been accused of "shattering people's illusions and fantasies" by bringing up safety issues. Well, would you rather have your illusions or be safe? Sometimes, it's literally a matter of life or death. Just read the newspapers.

One way we keep ourselves physically and emotionally safe is with our limits. I speak more of this when playing casually (such as at parties) than when playing with a trusted partner or SO. But they should still honor your limits. Simply stated limits are those things which would make us uncomfortable or frightened or we just plain don't want to do. Limits should always be honored and I always make it part of negotations (another area I will touch on in another post). If the Top you are negotiating with either doesn't take your limits seriously, or worse, laughs at them, run don't walk away from him. If he politely asks if pushing your limits gently is ok, that is a decision you'll have to make. If he tells you that your limits aren't what you think they are or that "no one who plays with me is allowed to have limits", tell him you'll talk to him later...in about a hundred years.
There is absolutely no excuse for exceeding someone's limits. I don't care what someone's reputation is as a Dom or what a "brat" might have done, exceeding someone's limits is grounds for expulsion from most reputable clubs.
There are some Doms out there who believe that when you agree to play with them, you are agreeing to anything they might find amusing, including things you expressed as a limit. Again, this is your decision to make if you want to let someone push or even exceed your limits. I don't let anyone exceed or laugh at my limits, which happen to be reasonable. Most people have reasonable limits. You have the right to have your limits be whatever you want them to be. One of my very hard limits is that I won't stand in the corner; not for anyone. When this limit is expressed, most Tops just say, "Ok, we won't do that". I have had some say, "You'll do whatever you're told." The next thing they usually hear is the door slamming behind me. That's my way of saying "I am not submissive, and even if I were, I am not YOUR submissive and I don't have to do what you tell me". Sometimes it is best to just end things if you and the Top can't find the same page. Some people are just not compatible. I found that out during my first spanking (which I've all ready bored everyone with). Since I'm not submissive it's best I don't play with Doms or Masters, but stick to Tops or at least Doms who don't mind putting the Dom behavior aside for a while to play with me. It's the ones who won't do it and who tell me "you are submissive since you like to be spanked" that I refuse to play wtih. I guess what I'm saying with this is that you should let any person you are going to play with know your limits and make sure that person respects them. If you don't count strokes, say so. If you won't stand in the corner, say so. Whatever your limits are state them matter of factly and don't take no for an answer. Anyone who doesn't respect your limits, doesn't respect you. That is the bottom line.