How I Joined This "Whacky" World

Probably, like many of you, I have been fascinated by spanking since I was a very small child. Of course, at that young age I didn't "like" spanking, but I was fascinated by watching others get spanked, whether it was a schoolmate, one of my friends at home or on television. With that fascination came confusion. Once I hit puberty and my hormones began raging, I was even more confused. Of course, I couldn't talk to my parents or anyone else about it, since there was obviously something wrong with me. And, of course, I was the only person in the world who felt this way. So it was a secret I held for many years.
In high school, when I acquired my first serious boyfriend, I dropped hints. When that didn't work I tried to "brat" him into spanking me. That worked for a time, but I usually had to get him to the boiling point and then, the spanking wasn't the fun thing I wanted it to be. I felt like he spanked me because he was angry; completely exasperated. That certainly wasn't what I wanted. And, of course, after we broke up, I never realized it but we had never openly talked about my spanking desire. It's like neither of us wanted to talk about it. We were just out of high school, we were kids. Kids didn't talk about their feelings. I found out later, of course, that I had been the topic of many a locker room conversation in his gym class. No wonder the other guys looked at me funny! To this day, I don't know if I created a lifetime spanko, or if he just did that to humor me or if he just spanked me because I had driven him to it. We never did talk about it.
As I matured, I tried dropping hints to my boyfriends. Most just didn't get it. When I was in my early 30's I started dating a man who was about 12 or 13 years older than me. I thought surely this sophisticated man would understand my desires and I could tell him about them without embarrassment. I thought he was a "Man of the World" who had been around a lot more than me. Instead of dropping hints with him, I came right and told him I liked to be spanked. I told him this before anything sexual ever occurred between us. I thought my sophisticated older man would be understanding. Instead, he looked horrified, berated me for my "violent fantasies" and finally offered to pay for therapy. We broke up a week later. After the "spanking conversation" he never even tried to touch me. I knew we were going to be incompatible as partners. I moved on, he moved on. I haven't heard from him since.
I dated other men, some of them open-minded some of them not, but none of them were willing to spank me. Finally, in my early 40's I discovered the Shadow Lane video. I am not proud of it, but I discovered a Shadow Lane ad in a copy of Penthouse "Variations". I had no idea that "spanking videos" even existed. I had seen BDSM videos and all they did was curl my hair. There was nothing out there for just spankos, or so I thought. Back then, Shadow Lane didn't have a website, you just sent for the videos through the magazine. Yeah, right. Like that was happening. So I forgot about it for awhile, and went back and hid in the closet, clutching my well-worn copy of "Blue Hawaii".
Arrive the Internet! The spanko's best friend! I got online in about the summer of 2001 (yeah, I know a late bloomer) and I was curious to see what material was on the web about spanking. I typed "spanking" into the search engine and got about 300,000 hits. I was curious to see if Shadow Lane had a website by this time. Of course, they did. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that, not only did they make videos, they hosted spanking parties! Real parties where people go to spank and/or get spanked. I knew I wasn't ready for that, and anyway they were too far away to even think about going.
I knew my city didn't have a spanking group (I wasn't lucky enough to live in New York or California), but I wondered if the nearest largest city might. I typed "spanking clubs" into the search engine and a lot more than Shadow Lane popped up. I soon learned that a lot of the major cities had a spanking scene. However, not many of them were above ground. I learned there was a group who hosted parties within driving distance of me. This blew my mind completely. After all this time, I might actually get to live out this fantasy that I've held for so long.
After lurking on the group's message board for about a week, I finally got up the courage to join. After all, just chatting with anonymous strangers couldn't hurt, could it? I joined two days before Christmas, 2002 and began chatting with the other members. I soon discovered they weren't scary and horrible. They were people just like me. They were lawyers and nurses and insurance salesmen. I was thrilled (but nervous) to learn that there was a party coming up at the end of January. I didn't think I was ready for a party but I made plans to go anyway. I am glad I did. I met some wonderful people there who have become very dear friends of mine. And, of course, I have met a lot of my play partners either through the group or directly at parties.
Even though the party scene isn't for everyone, they are alot of fun and I'm glad I took that first terrifying step to finding people who are like me. I just spent years and years fantasizing and thinking this would never happen, since I couldn't get any of my boyfriends to spank me. Well, I quickly learned a guy doesn't have to be your boyfriend for you to enjoy being spanked by him. What a world! So, this is Cigi's World...I welcome you to it.