Toys

Even though I love a spanking with a big, firm hand, I do have my favorite toys. I think a spanking isn't a spanking without that over the knee, bare bottom warm up and progression to the serious toys.
First of all, I love a spanking that starts on clothes and a Top who likes to peel down the layers of clothing till he gets to the "bottom of things". I don't have a fancy spanking wardrobe like some have. I have the clothes in my closet, consisting mainly of jeans and tops, some skirts and a few nice dresses. I do splurge on nice panties, though. :-)
Most of the Tops I have played with absolutely hate spanking on jeans. The material is too tough on their poor, little hands. I have met very few who would humor me and start on jeans and even fewer who actually enjoy spanking on jeans.
Even when I wear a skirt for a certain Top I play with, the first thing he does when he gets me over his knee is lift up the skirt and spank on my panties.
Once the hand spanking is over and the toys come out that is a fun part. Most of the Tops I play with have a considerable amount of their own toys, both homemade and purchased. But I also have my own toy bag, consisting mostly of leather but with some wood. I have a few toys that were gifts from beloved Tops (like the heavy strap that I have finally gotten worn in just where I want it) and the paddle that was given to me by a Top who knows I will never allow anyone to actually paddle me with it, him included. But most of the toys in my bag were made by one person, a kind man who lives in Florida and makes the best leather toys in the galaxy. I also have a wonderful razor strap that I recently purchased and am the proud owner of 2 more canes.
Canes are my favorite toy. Once I was introduced to the exquisite pain of this beautiful instrument, there was no going back. I loved everything about it. The first sharp and painful impact and the second delicious wave of pain I call the "afterburn". Now, I like to be caned hard but not brutally. The cane can be brutal in the wrong hands and you can absolutely cut someone to ribbons if you don't know what you're doing. You can also send someone to heaven if you do it right. I think the cane gets a bad rap in spanking circles. People see the cane and think of angry English schoolmasters or Singaporean justice. This isn't so nor does it have to be. Yes, you can cause damage with the cane, but you can also fall in love for life with it, as I have done. The first person who ever caned me introduced me to it in a very nice way. I got a very nice hand spanking warm up first. Then he showed me his canes. At first, they looked terrifying and I wondered what I was doing agreeing to this. But I was very curious about the cane, as I suspect most newbies are. He very patiently started with light taps to my bottom to get me used to the feel of it. Then he progressed to some harder strokes. I have to admit the swoosh sound it made was very unnerving at first. Now I love that sound. Then he gave me what he called a few "moderate" strokes that took my breath away. But it was then that I felt that wonderful sting and then the delicious afterburn. In my opinion, the cane is the best thing ever invented. I love straps and leather and wood paddles as well, but my favorite toy will always be the cane, at least in the hands of a capable Top. The marks are pretty too and they usually don't last very long. I like a Top who can make "ladder marks" on my bottom. Those are the marks of a skillful caner who knows how to control both aim and intensity. Using the cane correctly and safely takes some practice so if you are interested in using the cane, go to someone practiced in it's use to teach you the safe method of caning. If you are a bottom and are interested in being caned for the first time, my sincere advice is to seek out the people who have a good reputation as an able caner. Ask around your circle of spanking friends. Don't let just anyone use the cane or any toy on you without knowing they have the skill to be using it. Even if the Top's intentions were good and honorable, that still doesn't make getting hurt any less painful.
That's all for now! Everyone have a great night!

Limits

Safety in the scene is one area where I am constantly on my soapbox. I have often been accused of "shattering people's illusions and fantasies" by bringing up safety issues. Well, would you rather have your illusions or be safe? Sometimes, it's literally a matter of life or death. Just read the newspapers.

One way we keep ourselves physically and emotionally safe is with our limits. I speak more of this when playing casually (such as at parties) than when playing with a trusted partner or SO. But they should still honor your limits. Simply stated limits are those things which would make us uncomfortable or frightened or we just plain don't want to do. Limits should always be honored and I always make it part of negotations (another area I will touch on in another post). If the Top you are negotiating with either doesn't take your limits seriously, or worse, laughs at them, run don't walk away from him. If he politely asks if pushing your limits gently is ok, that is a decision you'll have to make. If he tells you that your limits aren't what you think they are or that "no one who plays with me is allowed to have limits", tell him you'll talk to him later...in about a hundred years.
There is absolutely no excuse for exceeding someone's limits. I don't care what someone's reputation is as a Dom or what a "brat" might have done, exceeding someone's limits is grounds for expulsion from most reputable clubs.
There are some Doms out there who believe that when you agree to play with them, you are agreeing to anything they might find amusing, including things you expressed as a limit. Again, this is your decision to make if you want to let someone push or even exceed your limits. I don't let anyone exceed or laugh at my limits, which happen to be reasonable. Most people have reasonable limits. You have the right to have your limits be whatever you want them to be. One of my very hard limits is that I won't stand in the corner; not for anyone. When this limit is expressed, most Tops just say, "Ok, we won't do that". I have had some say, "You'll do whatever you're told." The next thing they usually hear is the door slamming behind me. That's my way of saying "I am not submissive, and even if I were, I am not YOUR submissive and I don't have to do what you tell me". Sometimes it is best to just end things if you and the Top can't find the same page. Some people are just not compatible. I found that out during my first spanking (which I've all ready bored everyone with). Since I'm not submissive it's best I don't play with Doms or Masters, but stick to Tops or at least Doms who don't mind putting the Dom behavior aside for a while to play with me. It's the ones who won't do it and who tell me "you are submissive since you like to be spanked" that I refuse to play wtih. I guess what I'm saying with this is that you should let any person you are going to play with know your limits and make sure that person respects them. If you don't count strokes, say so. If you won't stand in the corner, say so. Whatever your limits are state them matter of factly and don't take no for an answer. Anyone who doesn't respect your limits, doesn't respect you. That is the bottom line.

Thoughts about My First Spanking

Hi Everyone...I said I would get back to my thoughts about my first spanking. I actually hadn't thought about it for quite some time. And I have to admit I haven't played with him since. It's not that he's a bad person or a bad spanker or anything. We just never clicked. I still see him at parties.

I suppose what helped me was that I didn't romanticize either the spanker or the spanking. If I had it might have really made the whole thing a big turn off for me. In my mind, I was conducting an experiment. I had about thirty-five years of fantasizing behind me. I wanted to know if the reality would match my fantasy. It didn't, but at least I found the process somewhat enjoyable and that I was a real spanko. I just found it odd that he didn't talk much. He didn't seem to enjoy it himself. It seemed like he was going through the motions. I think he expected me to be more demonstrative or something, but I had no idea what he expected from me. This was my first spanking. I didn't know how to react or anything, so I didn't. I just kind of laid there and tried not to move too much. It wasn't a total loss. I found out some things that day about spanking and myself. I learned that I was never again going to be uncommunicative with my spanker. If he didn't want to talk, that was too bad, I was going to communicate whether he liked it or not. If I didn't like something I was going to speak up and too bad if he didn't like it. I didn't care if it shattered his illusions about the "fantasy" or not. Some things are more important than that. That's why I always say negotiate, negotiate, negotiate...that way there are no surprises and you don't have to maybe ruin a scene for someone else or yourself by safewording or stopping the spanking.
The first time I dropped my jeans and got over his lap, I said to myself (I might even have said it out loud), "I can't believe I'm doing this." It was as if the first 40 years of my life hadn't existed. There was no time before this. I was reborn in that moment when his hand met my bottom for the first time and I let out that little "oh!" of surprise. Even though this spanking had been somewhat disappointing, I knew there were other men (and women) with other styles and I just had to find the people who fit my style, whatever that was.

Intolerance

I have been thinking for some time now about myself and my views of other people's spanking desires (I hate the word "kink"...it sounds like we all go around wearing trench coats or something). I have tried honestly to accept and be tolerant of the needs and desires of my friends in the scene. And, of course, I would never be judgemental. But, truthfully, I do find some aspects of the scene abhorrent. Does this make me intolerant? Judgemental? Closed minded?
Just because we are all into spanking, doesn't mean we all want the same thing, all like the same things or do the same thing. That would be naive. I have stressed many, many times that I only play for fun. I don't get punished nor do I play for sexual gratification. I only play erotically with someone I'm in a relationship with. I am not casual about my body nor am I casual about sex. Does this mean I am a prude who has no business calling herself a spanko? As I said in another post, I have been trying to find my place in the spanking world.
I have been at parties or chatting with friends and when they mention something I find disturbing or just plain gross, I find myself trying to find the words to politely say "that's nice" while not trying to appear rude or unaccepting. I am not perfect and the mention of certain activities makes me shudder. Like the friend I work with who likes electric play and heavy bondage. Every time he talks about the things he likes, it makes me almost physically sick. Does this make me a horrible friend? Unaccepting? Closed minded? Like I said, I'm not perfect and these little things make me upset with myself at times. But, at the same time, am I not an American with the First Amendment right to free speech? Do I do like my mother told me and just not say anything if I don't have anything nice to say?
Or do we have the right, when someone asks our opinion, to honestly say, "I'm glad you enjoy that. It's not something I would enjoy though" without said person getting his or her feelings hurt over it? Or acting like we are intolerant and unaccepting just because we said we wouldn't like something they do?
On the spanking groups I belong to, we try not to disagree with anyone. We try not to step on anyone's toes. We tell new members that everyone is welcoming and accepting of them. But is that really true? If you belong to spanking groups, have you ever looked at someone's introduction, read their stories or their profiles and thought "YUCK! I think I'll avoid that person"? I mean to each his own, but still....YUCK!
Someone has probably thought the same thing about me. I'm almost sure they have. I don't mean they think what I do is gross. But they probably think I am an unusual person in the scene because I won't get sexual with someone I just met. And, let's face it, there are those out there who want their sex and spanking fix and when they come across someone like me who won't "deliver" the first time we play, I'm sure they shake their head and wonder about me. Does this make them intolerant? Unaccepting? Closed minded?
These are just my thoughts tonight.
I honestly hope I haven't ruffled any feathers with this post. It's just something I've been thinking about for some time.
Thanks for your comments!

First Spanking

I have never forgotten my first ever spanking as an adult. I am willing to bet most other spankos haven't either. To me, it's like your first sexual experience. Even if it was bad, you never forget it. Not that my first spanking was bad, necessarily, it just could have been made more memorable for me.

The man who gave me my first ever scene spanking was a member of one of the groups I belonged to. It turned out he lived very close to me. He was an older man with more experience than I had. That wouldn't be too difficult since I didn't have any! We made plans to meet in my city at a restaurant of my choosing. We met and had coffee. I asked him a million questions about the group and about spanking in general. He looked just like anyone else who was meeting a friend for a cup of coffee. He was very patient with my many questions and he answered them all. I didn't feel ready to actually play, but we made plans to meet again the next week. In my very limited experience, he seemed ok to me.
When we met the next week, I was very nervous. For one thing, we couldn't play at my house, because I had vanilla family members living with me at the time. A dear friend of mine, who knew this about me, agreed to let me use his house while he was at work.
We sat down and talked some more for what seemed like forever. I was still very nervous and it occurred to me that we should be putting each other at ease, but he seemed pretty nervous, too. Then he asked me if I was ready for my spanking.
He pulled a chair to the edge of the couch. Since I was wearing jeans and he didn't want to start on such heavy material, I dropped them and then got over his knee. The couch supported my upper body and I was surprisingly comfortable. But I was shaking from nerves. I couldn't believe I was finally doing this. The spanking began very lightly. The spanks were almost taps. I wanted him to get on with it, but I had no idea this was the warm up, the prelude to the real thing. I was so naive and I didn't even know there was safe and unsafe places to spank. I guess I hadn't done my homework very well.
All the while this man was performing this intimate and much anticipated act, he didn't say a word. Never asked me if I was doing ok. Never asked me if I was still comfortable in this position. I never clicked with him on any level. He was just spanking me. I might as well have been being spanked by a machine.
When he was done with the initial spanking, we took a break and went to lunch. In the restaurant, he asked me not to smoke. It was the first words he had spoken to me since the spanking began.
After lunch, I wasn't exactly revved up for more spanking, but he had driven a considerable distance and I suppose he wanted to get his money's worth. He spanked me some more, exactly the same way, with exactly the same number of words spoken: zero. He finished spanking me, thanked me for a nice time, gave me a perfunctory hug, and left. It was then that I learned a few things about the way I would like to be spanked.
I will post them and my feelings about my first spanking in another blog.
Everyone have a great day!

How I Joined This "Whacky" World

Probably, like many of you, I have been fascinated by spanking since I was a very small child. Of course, at that young age I didn't "like" spanking, but I was fascinated by watching others get spanked, whether it was a schoolmate, one of my friends at home or on television. With that fascination came confusion. Once I hit puberty and my hormones began raging, I was even more confused. Of course, I couldn't talk to my parents or anyone else about it, since there was obviously something wrong with me. And, of course, I was the only person in the world who felt this way. So it was a secret I held for many years.
In high school, when I acquired my first serious boyfriend, I dropped hints. When that didn't work I tried to "brat" him into spanking me. That worked for a time, but I usually had to get him to the boiling point and then, the spanking wasn't the fun thing I wanted it to be. I felt like he spanked me because he was angry; completely exasperated. That certainly wasn't what I wanted. And, of course, after we broke up, I never realized it but we had never openly talked about my spanking desire. It's like neither of us wanted to talk about it. We were just out of high school, we were kids. Kids didn't talk about their feelings. I found out later, of course, that I had been the topic of many a locker room conversation in his gym class. No wonder the other guys looked at me funny! To this day, I don't know if I created a lifetime spanko, or if he just did that to humor me or if he just spanked me because I had driven him to it. We never did talk about it.
As I matured, I tried dropping hints to my boyfriends. Most just didn't get it. When I was in my early 30's I started dating a man who was about 12 or 13 years older than me. I thought surely this sophisticated man would understand my desires and I could tell him about them without embarrassment. I thought he was a "Man of the World" who had been around a lot more than me. Instead of dropping hints with him, I came right and told him I liked to be spanked. I told him this before anything sexual ever occurred between us. I thought my sophisticated older man would be understanding. Instead, he looked horrified, berated me for my "violent fantasies" and finally offered to pay for therapy. We broke up a week later. After the "spanking conversation" he never even tried to touch me. I knew we were going to be incompatible as partners. I moved on, he moved on. I haven't heard from him since.
I dated other men, some of them open-minded some of them not, but none of them were willing to spank me. Finally, in my early 40's I discovered the Shadow Lane video. I am not proud of it, but I discovered a Shadow Lane ad in a copy of Penthouse "Variations". I had no idea that "spanking videos" even existed. I had seen BDSM videos and all they did was curl my hair. There was nothing out there for just spankos, or so I thought. Back then, Shadow Lane didn't have a website, you just sent for the videos through the magazine. Yeah, right. Like that was happening. So I forgot about it for awhile, and went back and hid in the closet, clutching my well-worn copy of "Blue Hawaii".
Arrive the Internet! The spanko's best friend! I got online in about the summer of 2001 (yeah, I know a late bloomer) and I was curious to see what material was on the web about spanking. I typed "spanking" into the search engine and got about 300,000 hits. I was curious to see if Shadow Lane had a website by this time. Of course, they did. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that, not only did they make videos, they hosted spanking parties! Real parties where people go to spank and/or get spanked. I knew I wasn't ready for that, and anyway they were too far away to even think about going.
I knew my city didn't have a spanking group (I wasn't lucky enough to live in New York or California), but I wondered if the nearest largest city might. I typed "spanking clubs" into the search engine and a lot more than Shadow Lane popped up. I soon learned that a lot of the major cities had a spanking scene. However, not many of them were above ground. I learned there was a group who hosted parties within driving distance of me. This blew my mind completely. After all this time, I might actually get to live out this fantasy that I've held for so long.
After lurking on the group's message board for about a week, I finally got up the courage to join. After all, just chatting with anonymous strangers couldn't hurt, could it? I joined two days before Christmas, 2002 and began chatting with the other members. I soon discovered they weren't scary and horrible. They were people just like me. They were lawyers and nurses and insurance salesmen. I was thrilled (but nervous) to learn that there was a party coming up at the end of January. I didn't think I was ready for a party but I made plans to go anyway. I am glad I did. I met some wonderful people there who have become very dear friends of mine. And, of course, I have met a lot of my play partners either through the group or directly at parties.
Even though the party scene isn't for everyone, they are alot of fun and I'm glad I took that first terrifying step to finding people who are like me. I just spent years and years fantasizing and thinking this would never happen, since I couldn't get any of my boyfriends to spank me. Well, I quickly learned a guy doesn't have to be your boyfriend for you to enjoy being spanked by him. What a world! So, this is Cigi's World...I welcome you to it.

Why I Started This Blog

I have wanted to start blogging for some time now. But I was torn between wanting to get my thoughts out there and not wanting a bunch of strangers I didn't know judging me.

The purpose of this blog is...well, I don't know what it is. I suppose it's partly to just write my thoughts about what I call my "spanking thing", how I came to actually let this part of me come out and play and my thoughts on the spanking scene in general. No, not all of it is likable in my opinion and, of course, there are some aspects of it that just "aren't me". And I've learned over the last five years that that's ok. There are as many different reasons to be into spanking as there are people who spank or get spanked.
If you look online or join spanking groups there are a lot of people who are into the "Romance of Discipline", the fantasy aspect of it, and that's ok. There are others who like the punishment, who want to be held accountable to someone who will punish them if they don't behave to certain standards. That's ok, too. I have spent the last five years in the scene trying to figure out where I belong in all this. I certainly don't fit the two categories I mentioned. Nothing would ruin the scene for me more than some man thinking he can boss me around, tell me what to do, and then "punish" me if I get out of line. That's what I had my dad for and, I believe, he raised me pretty well. So that one definitely doesn't fit. As for the "romance" of spanking, well, I don't subscribe to that one, either.
For me, spanking isn't about punishment, sex, purging guilt, or wanting to feel inferior to someone else. For me, spanking is fun. It is just that simple. And I wanted to be able to find someplace to post my thoughts on some of the fun I've had and some of the times I've played where it wasn't so fun. I hope anyone who reads this will post their thoughts.