Well, here it is the end of October and time to get ready for another Crimson Moon party. This one almost didn't come to pass for me as I have been on crutches for ten days resting a torn tendon in my left knee. When the injury happened my first thought was, "Well, there goes the party." I figured I had injured myself badly and if I didn't need surgery I would be very lucky. Lucky for me, all I needed was to rest it and take two weeks off from work. I have been mind-numbingly bored and the only good that has come from it is that my apartment has never been so clean. Once the pain subsided and I could put pressure on it, I cleaned out of boredom. Doesn't everyone? lol
So the party is a "go" after all and all the arrangements are made. While I don't have the nervous/excited/terrified feeling that accompanied my first few parties, I am very excited. Meeting my friends again (and the prospect of meeting a few new ones) is always wonderful for me. Nothing recharges my batteries like a weekend among my spanking friends. There is just something about being out of town (way out of town) and knowing you basically had to lie about what you were doing to get the weekend off, staying in a hotel, getting about 10 hours total sleep for the weekend and getting spanked with hundreds of different implements to help re-energize a spanko.
While I'm gone this weekend, I won't have access to my computer. They have a couple computers for guests to use but they are right in the lobby for anyone to look over your shoulder at what you're reading, so I think I will just wait until I return home to check emails, blog comments, etc. So just know that I am excited about the party but I have a million things to do before I leave and, while I'm doing them, I'll be whistling a happy tune.
I promise to blog about my adventures as soon as I can after returning home; for those of you who just have to know what I was up to. lol
Have a great weekend and hopefully I'll be able to blog Monday...
Until then...play safe and play nice, Kiddies!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Switching
Yes, I know I have always considered myself a bottom. For five years I have explored every avenue of my bottom side and would have been very happy to just continue that had not thoughts of topping entered my mind. I don't remember when this happened. I tried it when I first started bottoming, giving a switch friend of mine (or at least making the attempt) a birthday spanking. I did it only because he asked me to and I found out this is the worst reason to spank someone; as a personal favor/gift. I'm afraid my heart wasn't in it and I couldn't quite pull off the Domme role. In fact, I couldn't even pinken his bottom. And, believe me, I tried. But I spent the whole time just wanting to be over his knee and so I'm afraid I daydreamed through much of it. I know it was a disappointment to him but I warned him ahead of time, "I'm no Top." And I know he didn't appreciate that I just went through the motions of spanking him. I made an awful botch of it simply because that wasn't where I was at in my journey through the spanking universe. I wanted to explore this thing from the bottom because it was all so new to me. Well, long story short, it's not so new to me anymore.
So enter those Toppy type thoughts. I won't call them fantasies because I didn't really fantasize about it. I just kept having feelings like "I wonder what it would be like to top someone now; after experiencing the bottom for five years, I bet I could make a decent Top."
I believe none of us is all one thing or the other. We aren't all submissive or all dominant. It takes a little of both of those things to make it in the real world. So it came as really no surprise to me that I wouldn't turn out to be all bottom; that I could top, too and enjoy it much more than that experiment in terror years ago.
As a party was coming up, I went about deciding who I should trust this delicate information to. After all, after years of being "Cigi, the brat who can take it all", I was suddenly going to become "Miss Cigi...spanker of young men and ladies." In other words, I wanted to be both those things. I wanted someone who would be discreet about it and who had knowledge of topping and bottoming so I looked for the best switch I could find and, if I may say so, it was the perfect choice. Not only is this particular man a complete pain slut, he's also a consummate show-off and a wonderful teacher for "this thing we do". He let me use every toy I had and tutored me in how to use them correctly and safely. I all ready had the desire and the basic know-how just from being a bottom. But a lot of toys (particularly canes) take a lot of practice. After spanking him three times during the weekend, he told me, "You will make a very respected Top some day." I know he appreciated that I had asked him if he would be the first person to allow me to Top them. I ended up topping about five people that weekend including two women, who really enjoyed it. So I have to say that, although I am no longer 100% bottom, I have not become 100% top. I still prefer to bottom but I have so many lovely toys, how could I not share them with other spankos?
I know how nice a spanking is supposed to feel. I know most bottoms (at least this one) would like to be spanked by a non-threatening, "this is just for fun" type person. I know at a party, that is the prevailing attitude. That 's the type of spanker I want to be. I want people to say, "She's fun no matter which side of the lap she's on." A Top/Dom friend of mine once told me, "Switches are like bisexuals...they just don't know what they want." I tend to think that switches get 50% more opportunity to have fun than just tops or bottoms.
So if you see me at a party and you want to ask me to play, even though my name tag says I am a bottom, it's ok to ask me if I will switch with you. It goes along with that 50% more fun thing.
So I haven't stopped bottoming, have no fear, I just went down another avenue on the road of my spanking journey.
Play nice...and play safe...
That's all for now, Kiddies!
So enter those Toppy type thoughts. I won't call them fantasies because I didn't really fantasize about it. I just kept having feelings like "I wonder what it would be like to top someone now; after experiencing the bottom for five years, I bet I could make a decent Top."
I believe none of us is all one thing or the other. We aren't all submissive or all dominant. It takes a little of both of those things to make it in the real world. So it came as really no surprise to me that I wouldn't turn out to be all bottom; that I could top, too and enjoy it much more than that experiment in terror years ago.
As a party was coming up, I went about deciding who I should trust this delicate information to. After all, after years of being "Cigi, the brat who can take it all", I was suddenly going to become "Miss Cigi...spanker of young men and ladies." In other words, I wanted to be both those things. I wanted someone who would be discreet about it and who had knowledge of topping and bottoming so I looked for the best switch I could find and, if I may say so, it was the perfect choice. Not only is this particular man a complete pain slut, he's also a consummate show-off and a wonderful teacher for "this thing we do". He let me use every toy I had and tutored me in how to use them correctly and safely. I all ready had the desire and the basic know-how just from being a bottom. But a lot of toys (particularly canes) take a lot of practice. After spanking him three times during the weekend, he told me, "You will make a very respected Top some day." I know he appreciated that I had asked him if he would be the first person to allow me to Top them. I ended up topping about five people that weekend including two women, who really enjoyed it. So I have to say that, although I am no longer 100% bottom, I have not become 100% top. I still prefer to bottom but I have so many lovely toys, how could I not share them with other spankos?
I know how nice a spanking is supposed to feel. I know most bottoms (at least this one) would like to be spanked by a non-threatening, "this is just for fun" type person. I know at a party, that is the prevailing attitude. That 's the type of spanker I want to be. I want people to say, "She's fun no matter which side of the lap she's on." A Top/Dom friend of mine once told me, "Switches are like bisexuals...they just don't know what they want." I tend to think that switches get 50% more opportunity to have fun than just tops or bottoms.
So if you see me at a party and you want to ask me to play, even though my name tag says I am a bottom, it's ok to ask me if I will switch with you. It goes along with that 50% more fun thing.
So I haven't stopped bottoming, have no fear, I just went down another avenue on the road of my spanking journey.
Play nice...and play safe...
That's all for now, Kiddies!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The Crying Game
Boy, you'd think I could come up with a title that was a little more original than this, but I've been under the weather (read: I feel like crap) so this is the best I could do.
I was chatting with a gentleman last night (bad idea) and it was obvious this man had never had a real, live woman over is knee. Or if he did I felt sorry for the women he did play with. I invited questions (another bad idea) as I usually do with new people who haven't quite taken that first step to spank or get spanked.
He did ask some intelligent questions such as do you take precautions so your neighbors won't hear the spanking noise? But he also asked some questions that told me that he either read too much spanking fiction which, in my mind, is almost always made extra severe and humiliating just for the sake of titillation or he watched too many spanking videos with that all important punishment theme. In other words, as I like to say, please get on the next train to the Real World.
He asked me, "How long do you like to be held or comforted after a spanking?"
I told him, "Usually not long. I give a hug after a spanking but then usually there is just more spanking after that."
To which he replied, "You don't like to be held while you cry?"
Cry? Yes, I finally figured out that I was chatting with a completely clueless wanna be who had no idea how a real spanking went.
"I don't cry from a spanking," I told him. This seemed to truly shock him.
"Don't you get spanked for punishment?"
"No," I replied, "I had a disciplinarian but he's been dead for 15 years."
This man then offered me his deepest condolences on the loss of my disciplinarian. I thought I was being funny but he took it completely seriously.
"I'm talking about my father!" I told him and put a nice smiley at the end so he would know I was joking with him about who my disciplinarian had been.
"Don't you feel like you are sometimes that same little girl who needs to be punished for doing naughty things?" he asked.
I finally had to break it to him, "I'm 47-years-old. I don't do 'naughty' things anymore and if I do, I know I can go to my God and He will forgive me."
Then because I brought up God, he didn't want to really chat anymore. I felt completely sorry for him. With his attitude and ignorance I don't know if he'll ever get someone to play with. So much of our chat had been him asking if I had ever cried from a spanking (as an adult), if I wanted to cry from a spanking, why I felt I didn't need to cry from a spanking and then he gave me websites I could visit and chat with women who regularly cried from a spanking and they could tell me about the catharsis and healing that takes place when a Dominant authority figure holds you accountable and spanks you as punishment, etc. No thanks. I would just be wasting those people's time.
The truth of the matter is I have only cried one time from a spanking and it was actually a caning. The man doing the caning was caning me unbelievably hard. On the 11th stroke, I safeworded him instead of stopping he convinced me to take one more stroke. I cried after that but I'm not so sure what really caused the tears. Was it the pain of that 12th stroke or was it the pain I felt that someone I trusted and liked as a person had shrugged off my safeword? I swear for all the world, looking back on it now, he was satisfied with himself. It was like he had accomplished his task.
That has been the only time I have ever cried from a spanking. Even when I allowed myself to be punished for smoking (I was trying to quit and foolishly thought this would help) I didn't cry from it. And I'm not exaggerating, the guy tore my bottom up. Not only did I not cry but I didn't quit smoking either.
I'm not trying to put down those who want or need discipline in their lives. Most of the people I know who engage in this type of activity didn't have the positive and loving relationship I had with my father. In many cases either there was no clear cut authority figure in the home or there was long range, chronic abuse going on. When you don't have that loving authority figure that makes you feel safe and cherished and who comforts you and says he loves you even after inflicting pain on you, it sends a positive message to a young child. I don't blame anyone for trying to find that father or mother figure they didn't have growing up. But not all of us are looking for that and when I chat with people who find out that I'm perfectly ok and that I have very little baggage from my childhood they can't understand how I got interested in spanking. Well, interested is a good word, but it hardly conveys my true feelings about spanking. A better word might be obsessed.
So if you want to cry from a spanking (and many people do need to do that occasionally) more power to you. But treat those of us who don't like we are weird or different. Some spankos did have loving parents who both nurtured and disciplined them. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.
That's all for now, Kiddies! Play nice and play safe...
Cigi
I was chatting with a gentleman last night (bad idea) and it was obvious this man had never had a real, live woman over is knee. Or if he did I felt sorry for the women he did play with. I invited questions (another bad idea) as I usually do with new people who haven't quite taken that first step to spank or get spanked.
He did ask some intelligent questions such as do you take precautions so your neighbors won't hear the spanking noise? But he also asked some questions that told me that he either read too much spanking fiction which, in my mind, is almost always made extra severe and humiliating just for the sake of titillation or he watched too many spanking videos with that all important punishment theme. In other words, as I like to say, please get on the next train to the Real World.
He asked me, "How long do you like to be held or comforted after a spanking?"
I told him, "Usually not long. I give a hug after a spanking but then usually there is just more spanking after that."
To which he replied, "You don't like to be held while you cry?"
Cry? Yes, I finally figured out that I was chatting with a completely clueless wanna be who had no idea how a real spanking went.
"I don't cry from a spanking," I told him. This seemed to truly shock him.
"Don't you get spanked for punishment?"
"No," I replied, "I had a disciplinarian but he's been dead for 15 years."
This man then offered me his deepest condolences on the loss of my disciplinarian. I thought I was being funny but he took it completely seriously.
"I'm talking about my father!" I told him and put a nice smiley at the end so he would know I was joking with him about who my disciplinarian had been.
"Don't you feel like you are sometimes that same little girl who needs to be punished for doing naughty things?" he asked.
I finally had to break it to him, "I'm 47-years-old. I don't do 'naughty' things anymore and if I do, I know I can go to my God and He will forgive me."
Then because I brought up God, he didn't want to really chat anymore. I felt completely sorry for him. With his attitude and ignorance I don't know if he'll ever get someone to play with. So much of our chat had been him asking if I had ever cried from a spanking (as an adult), if I wanted to cry from a spanking, why I felt I didn't need to cry from a spanking and then he gave me websites I could visit and chat with women who regularly cried from a spanking and they could tell me about the catharsis and healing that takes place when a Dominant authority figure holds you accountable and spanks you as punishment, etc. No thanks. I would just be wasting those people's time.
The truth of the matter is I have only cried one time from a spanking and it was actually a caning. The man doing the caning was caning me unbelievably hard. On the 11th stroke, I safeworded him instead of stopping he convinced me to take one more stroke. I cried after that but I'm not so sure what really caused the tears. Was it the pain of that 12th stroke or was it the pain I felt that someone I trusted and liked as a person had shrugged off my safeword? I swear for all the world, looking back on it now, he was satisfied with himself. It was like he had accomplished his task.
That has been the only time I have ever cried from a spanking. Even when I allowed myself to be punished for smoking (I was trying to quit and foolishly thought this would help) I didn't cry from it. And I'm not exaggerating, the guy tore my bottom up. Not only did I not cry but I didn't quit smoking either.
I'm not trying to put down those who want or need discipline in their lives. Most of the people I know who engage in this type of activity didn't have the positive and loving relationship I had with my father. In many cases either there was no clear cut authority figure in the home or there was long range, chronic abuse going on. When you don't have that loving authority figure that makes you feel safe and cherished and who comforts you and says he loves you even after inflicting pain on you, it sends a positive message to a young child. I don't blame anyone for trying to find that father or mother figure they didn't have growing up. But not all of us are looking for that and when I chat with people who find out that I'm perfectly ok and that I have very little baggage from my childhood they can't understand how I got interested in spanking. Well, interested is a good word, but it hardly conveys my true feelings about spanking. A better word might be obsessed.
So if you want to cry from a spanking (and many people do need to do that occasionally) more power to you. But treat those of us who don't like we are weird or different. Some spankos did have loving parents who both nurtured and disciplined them. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.
That's all for now, Kiddies! Play nice and play safe...
Cigi
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)