I have just realized that I have a hit a dry spell spanking-wise. I haven't gotten spanked since November. Isn't that pathetic for a spanko? I remember a time when I played every weekend and if I went longer than about two or three weeks without a spanking I climbed the walls.
I suppose maybe it has something to do with getting older or starting to prefer quality or quantity. But going three months without a spanking is just unheard of for me. I have to face it that it's getting harder and harder for me to meet people I really click with on that all-important spanking level.
I doubt it would unravel the space/time continuum if I had to go longer than this without a spanking, but I mean...I'm a spanko...getting spanked
is what I do and I used to be good at it.
But I have to face it that maybe this dry spell isn't all my fault. The men I have chatted with lately have mostly been of the lame variety. I mean, I realize that we are a less polite society as a whole but don't any of these guys know what manners are??
I had one guy leave me an offline message that he wanted to chat. So, being the polite woman I am, I left him a message to look me up anytime. His reply to me was "For sex???" See what I mean? His lame excuse was that he thought I was a "Bot" (not a real person evidently) and I was trying to sell him online porn. He said that's how they snag you. Well, excuse me but does a "bot" usually have a profile complete with a picture? I dumped him in what I call the "Permanent Asshole File", you get my drift.
Another person I chatted with told me that "bottoms aren't entitled to courtesy". He joined my other friend in the PAF. Another guy I had been chatting with told me "Maybe we can get together this Saturday...I'll let you know Friday if I can make it." What am I? Last minute plans? I'm sorry, but do the rest of you feel that is totally inconsiderate? Or am I being a bit overly sensative?
So is it any wonder I've hit a slump? Well, I'll take my cue from professional athletes. You know how they are. They slump for a few weeks then come back batting over .500. Those of us who aren't in a relationship and don't have a 24/7 spanking partner just go through these spells at times. This is my longest dry spell in five years. I usually have two or three people I play with on a regular basis. Due to life being what it is, I've had to find new people to play with. And I haven't been having much luck. It doesn't help that 90% of the men who look me up are young guys who want me to spank them. When I tell them I don't spank, that I'm just a bottom, I get nothing more from them. One guy was in Rhode Island and he thought I could just fly there on my private jet or something and play with him. He even left me his phone number...and I am a complete stranger. Well, it's nice to know there's someone out there more desperate than I am.
Even more than the spanking, I miss just talking to people who are like me. It's like everyone has gone into hibernation or something. The last guy who spanked me is someone I hadn't seen or heard from in about 4 1/2 years. He just looked me up out of the blue. He told me he had gone back to his wife but that she was "understanding about this". Really? Then how come you haven't even written to ask how I'm doing? Maybe the wifey poo isn't as understanding as you would have me believe. I mean, even though I have a strict no sex rule, most vanilla wives find it hard to believe a guy can spank another woman and it doesn't lead to sex. Honey, all it led to was dinner and I paid for my own. Nothing even remotely sexual happened. But I think that is going to be the end of getting together with this gentleman, which is a shame because he's a good spanker.
So I just have to do like REO Speedwagon said and "ride the storm out". Sooner or later I know I'll hit the jackpot again...in the meantime, my bottom is really, really white and really, really cold. It's February after all!
Have a good one and spank on!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
What Would You Do?
In this world where information is readily available, do you ever find yourself worried that the Internet is not as anonymous as it used to be? And what would you do if someone in your family accidentally or on purpose gained access to your private spanking pictures, stories, blogs etc or otherwise found out your "dirty little secret"?
When I first got active in the scene I had vanilla family living with me and I was mortified at the mere thought that someone might find out that I was into spanking. It got so that I was downright paranoid about it. I made sure my computer and all my files were password protected. Absolutely no one but me had my passwords. When I would leave for the weekend for a spanking party, I took the power cord to my computer just in case my brother (who is someone of a computer geek) somehow guessed my passwords and gained access to my "other world".
Well, after a few years, I let my guard down a bit and the inevitable happened. My vanilla roommate, searching for a popular job search site in my city, found the local spanking group I belonged to along with the site she was looking for. And, of course, right there on the welcome page is a big picture of yours truly (taken a few years ago) bent over with her bare bottom freshly spanked. I was surprised at my reaction. A few short years ago, I would have been absolutely mortified at this. But when it actually happened I found I was more angry that my roommate had used my computer without my permission. To my surprise, I found myself calmly explaining what she came to call my "hobby" and how I met people and played with them; both at parties and privately. To my surprise, she seemed cool with this and even expressed curiosity to the point of wanting to view one of my spanking DVD's. I don't think she has ever told anyone what she found on my computer.
So the question is: how would you handle this situation? I suppose for most people, like me, it depends on who finds out. For me, it was my roommate; a younger woman who was not totally turned off by the idea. If it had been a member of my family, I suppose I would just have to say,"This is my personal, private business. It doesn't concern you and I have no desire to discuss it with you. I'm still your sister just like I was before you found this out. I haven't changed."
My parents have both passed away and I'm not sure what they would have thought. I am not so sure my father and mother didn't participate in the same "hobby" I do; one that another sister, a nephew and a niece of mine also share. I wonder how my vanilla brother would take it if he found out his daughter owned a book like "Beauty's Punishment"? That is how I found out my then 19-year old niece was at least interested. That book is a particularly well-written bit of spanking erotica and she just left it laying around for anyone to find, like it was a Stephen King novel or something.
I have never really discussed this with her because I don't know if she ever got passed the curious stage or if this is something she also has in her life. I choose, at this time, to respect her privacy. Of course, I guarded my secret with my life. I didn't leave my copy of "The Compleat Spanker" laying around like it was a coffee table book.
Some people simply don't care who finds out about their private life. Others, like me, are guarded about who they confide in. Still others would die if anyone ever found out. They feel like no one would understand them or that they would somehow no longer be the person they were in the eyes of those who knew.
I am at the point where I don't shout it from the roof tops but I am not embarrassed or ashamed of it either. If my co-worker can have a miniature paddle hanging from his rear view mirror that says "Bad Girl" on it, I can have my key ring that says "Spank me" on it. Hey, to me that's a great combination! :)
When I first got active in the scene I had vanilla family living with me and I was mortified at the mere thought that someone might find out that I was into spanking. It got so that I was downright paranoid about it. I made sure my computer and all my files were password protected. Absolutely no one but me had my passwords. When I would leave for the weekend for a spanking party, I took the power cord to my computer just in case my brother (who is someone of a computer geek) somehow guessed my passwords and gained access to my "other world".
Well, after a few years, I let my guard down a bit and the inevitable happened. My vanilla roommate, searching for a popular job search site in my city, found the local spanking group I belonged to along with the site she was looking for. And, of course, right there on the welcome page is a big picture of yours truly (taken a few years ago) bent over with her bare bottom freshly spanked. I was surprised at my reaction. A few short years ago, I would have been absolutely mortified at this. But when it actually happened I found I was more angry that my roommate had used my computer without my permission. To my surprise, I found myself calmly explaining what she came to call my "hobby" and how I met people and played with them; both at parties and privately. To my surprise, she seemed cool with this and even expressed curiosity to the point of wanting to view one of my spanking DVD's. I don't think she has ever told anyone what she found on my computer.
So the question is: how would you handle this situation? I suppose for most people, like me, it depends on who finds out. For me, it was my roommate; a younger woman who was not totally turned off by the idea. If it had been a member of my family, I suppose I would just have to say,"This is my personal, private business. It doesn't concern you and I have no desire to discuss it with you. I'm still your sister just like I was before you found this out. I haven't changed."
My parents have both passed away and I'm not sure what they would have thought. I am not so sure my father and mother didn't participate in the same "hobby" I do; one that another sister, a nephew and a niece of mine also share. I wonder how my vanilla brother would take it if he found out his daughter owned a book like "Beauty's Punishment"? That is how I found out my then 19-year old niece was at least interested. That book is a particularly well-written bit of spanking erotica and she just left it laying around for anyone to find, like it was a Stephen King novel or something.
I have never really discussed this with her because I don't know if she ever got passed the curious stage or if this is something she also has in her life. I choose, at this time, to respect her privacy. Of course, I guarded my secret with my life. I didn't leave my copy of "The Compleat Spanker" laying around like it was a coffee table book.
Some people simply don't care who finds out about their private life. Others, like me, are guarded about who they confide in. Still others would die if anyone ever found out. They feel like no one would understand them or that they would somehow no longer be the person they were in the eyes of those who knew.
I am at the point where I don't shout it from the roof tops but I am not embarrassed or ashamed of it either. If my co-worker can have a miniature paddle hanging from his rear view mirror that says "Bad Girl" on it, I can have my key ring that says "Spank me" on it. Hey, to me that's a great combination! :)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Reputation
Hi Everyone!
I have been thinking about my reputation in the scene for a while now. I like to think I have a good one; that people think I'm fun to play with. I am always honest with the people I play with, whether it be at parties or privately at my home. I think honesty and respect are the two most important factors in assessing someone's scene reputation. Has this person been honest with you? And has he/she treated you with respect? Or have they lied to you and treated you like you were an idiot?
What kind of reputation would you like to have? In my opinion, the Tops with the best reputations are the ones who are gentlemen and fun to play with. Bottoms can have good or bad reputations, too.
I have met people who have gaurded their hard-won reputation like nothing else mattered. I have met people who had a good reputation for being safe and sane only because bottoms were too intimidated to report them, me included. And I have met people who didn't seem to care about their reputation or what people thought of them at all. This is the most curious situation to me. I can see being outspoken (like I would have the right to talk! lol) and saying "damn the consequences". But I can't imagine being a jerk or a bully with spankees and being unconcerned about being kicked out of groups or not having anyone to play with.
Speaking only for myself, I start to form my opinion of someone the minute we make first contact. Most times that is in the form of an online chat. If the opening IM is respectful and polite such as "Hi..I saw your Yahoo profile and thought I'd say hello", then the chances are I would be very interested in chatting. If that first sentence is something debasing, demeaning, offensive or profane, guess what? I probably won't want to chat with you, not then and probably never. You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.
So you have to determine what kind of reputation you'd like to have. If you want people to like you and want to play with you, you should probably treat them like you'd want to be treated. I know...I say this all the time. But I don't think you can say it too many times.
My grandmother used to tell me, "A person's good name is more precious than gold." I think she was paraphrasing one of the Proverbs but I couldn't agree with her more. So why would someone want to risk their "good name" (provided they had one to start with) in the scene by being unsafe or doing something dangerous or nonconsensual? I think the best advice anyone can give a newbie in the scene is: always behave in a manner that gains respect; starting with that first contact.
I have worked on my "good name" and reputation for five years now. I sure hope if I didn't have a good reputation, someone would take me aside and tell me. I'd sure want to know if my reputation wasn't what I thought it was. My feelings might be hurt, but I could at least start to repair the damage I've done.
I think that's easier for bottoms than it is for Tops, some of whom think they have to have that reputation as a no nonsense type. They feel if they aren't tough the bottoms won't respect them. Well, that might be true of some bottoms but it's not true of me. Anyone who knows me longer than a party or two knows I am all about having fun; light-hearted spanking play is my favorite. And I repsect the gentle, fun loving type more than the Dom who insists on his right to punish me if I "disobey" him. And I abhor the Top who can never be wrong. We all make mistakes and we can all be wrong at times.
Remember your reputation. Nothing in the scene, to me, is more important than that. Work on it, feed it, gaurd it with your life and defend it if it's questioned...if it's questioned frequently, you need to work on it some more.
Well that's my piece for tonight...everyone have a great night!
I have been thinking about my reputation in the scene for a while now. I like to think I have a good one; that people think I'm fun to play with. I am always honest with the people I play with, whether it be at parties or privately at my home. I think honesty and respect are the two most important factors in assessing someone's scene reputation. Has this person been honest with you? And has he/she treated you with respect? Or have they lied to you and treated you like you were an idiot?
What kind of reputation would you like to have? In my opinion, the Tops with the best reputations are the ones who are gentlemen and fun to play with. Bottoms can have good or bad reputations, too.
I have met people who have gaurded their hard-won reputation like nothing else mattered. I have met people who had a good reputation for being safe and sane only because bottoms were too intimidated to report them, me included. And I have met people who didn't seem to care about their reputation or what people thought of them at all. This is the most curious situation to me. I can see being outspoken (like I would have the right to talk! lol) and saying "damn the consequences". But I can't imagine being a jerk or a bully with spankees and being unconcerned about being kicked out of groups or not having anyone to play with.
Speaking only for myself, I start to form my opinion of someone the minute we make first contact. Most times that is in the form of an online chat. If the opening IM is respectful and polite such as "Hi..I saw your Yahoo profile and thought I'd say hello", then the chances are I would be very interested in chatting. If that first sentence is something debasing, demeaning, offensive or profane, guess what? I probably won't want to chat with you, not then and probably never. You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.
So you have to determine what kind of reputation you'd like to have. If you want people to like you and want to play with you, you should probably treat them like you'd want to be treated. I know...I say this all the time. But I don't think you can say it too many times.
My grandmother used to tell me, "A person's good name is more precious than gold." I think she was paraphrasing one of the Proverbs but I couldn't agree with her more. So why would someone want to risk their "good name" (provided they had one to start with) in the scene by being unsafe or doing something dangerous or nonconsensual? I think the best advice anyone can give a newbie in the scene is: always behave in a manner that gains respect; starting with that first contact.
I have worked on my "good name" and reputation for five years now. I sure hope if I didn't have a good reputation, someone would take me aside and tell me. I'd sure want to know if my reputation wasn't what I thought it was. My feelings might be hurt, but I could at least start to repair the damage I've done.
I think that's easier for bottoms than it is for Tops, some of whom think they have to have that reputation as a no nonsense type. They feel if they aren't tough the bottoms won't respect them. Well, that might be true of some bottoms but it's not true of me. Anyone who knows me longer than a party or two knows I am all about having fun; light-hearted spanking play is my favorite. And I repsect the gentle, fun loving type more than the Dom who insists on his right to punish me if I "disobey" him. And I abhor the Top who can never be wrong. We all make mistakes and we can all be wrong at times.
Remember your reputation. Nothing in the scene, to me, is more important than that. Work on it, feed it, gaurd it with your life and defend it if it's questioned...if it's questioned frequently, you need to work on it some more.
Well that's my piece for tonight...everyone have a great night!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Movie Spanking Scenes
I was just watching one of my "Cinema Swats" DVD's and wanted to comment on some of the spankings they contained. Everyone knows that spankings in mainstream movies are, pardon the pun, hit or miss. As I watched, I couldn't figure out why some of them were so popular with spanking fans.
Case in point: "Kiss Me Kate". I'm talking about the Howard Keel/Kathryn Grayson movie version. I have never seen such a big guy give such a soft spanking in my life. Now, in fairness, I am a big fan of what I call "the build up" to the spanking and this one was very good. But as far I am concerned, it's a big build up to nothing. How did this scene become a classic? It is poorly done. How did Grayson even feel those soft little slaps through that velvet dress of hers?
I have also seen spankings that were horribly botched. How can you call it a spanking if the person doing the spanking only finds the bottom once or twice during the entire "spanking"? This happened mostly in foreign films done in the 60's or 70's. Wasn't there anyone around to show someone how to give a realistic spanking?
But some of them were really, really well done. I think "Bunker Bean" is one of my favorites. The build up was first rate and the spanking was very realistic, almost too realistic. The girl (and I'm sorry her name escapes me) told him, "You're nothing but a miserable little clerk!" Well, ladies and gentlemen, that "miserable little clerk" sent her out of the room crying and rubbing her bottom. Sure, maybe it wasn't his place to spank her, but someone needed to do it.
Another movie I like with a great spanking is "The Taming Of Trudy Bell". I believe this movie is from 1968. Things were done differently in those days, I guess. The only person of note in the film is, of course, the guy doing the spanking. Someone has said it was the same guy who played "Billy Jack" a few years later. It looks like him, but I can't be sure because I've never seen the movie except for the spanking. It is well done and the "heroine" of the story certainly had it coming.
Where movie spankings are concerned, "Blue Hawaii" is the exemplar. Elvis probably gained a lot of fans with this scene. I have always heard he argued to have the scene left out, but the girl insisted on it. My kind of girl if this is true! Anyway, if Elvis had had his way and the scene was left out, spankingdom would have missed out on a very well done spanking scene. Is it just me or does it look like Elvis has had a girl or two over his knee before this?
I am really sorry that, in these politically correct times, we can't have spankings in movies anymore unless it's for comic value or sexual titillation. There are certainly actors in this day and age I wouldn't mind seeing spank a woman. Can you say Russell Crowe? lol
As it is, these are what we are left with. "McClintock!" offers us not one but two memorable spanking scenes. I prefer the one with the young people, John Wayne's son, Patrick and Stephanie Powers in it. Everyone knows Stephanie had a thing for this. Seems she was spanked in almost everything she did. Anyone ever see her in that episode of "Lancer" that she did in the early 70's? That one melts my heart, too.
So some of the movie and TV spankings are very well known (those I Love Lucy episodes) and some are obscure, such as those foreign films that you really have to search to find. I don't count adult films, since you can find spanking in many adult films. I am talking about those mainstream movies or TV shows.
To show you how spanking drew the crowds, here is a little story. Evidently, it used to be very popular to put out an advertisement for a movie showing a woman being spanked. You would be lured to the theater and guess what? No spanking. In those early days, everyone knew spanking sold tickets.
Another area of television where you can see a spanking every now and then is professional wrestling. In the 80's and 90's it was pretty common to see a huge professional wrestler turn some diva over his knee. Now men don't do that as much because they don't want to get the reputation of a "woman beater". Mostly the spanking action now is girl on girl and that's ok if you are a college guy just watching for laughs. Some of those older "wrestling spankings" are quite well known. Some of them have never been seen "unedited", like the infamous Billy Joe Travis/Toni Adams spanking that occured in Texas in 1989. I have never seen a version of this that wasn't pixilated or edited in some way. I think an unedited version must exist somewhere and I would love to see it if it were ever found. Many of the spankings in wrestling occured before it was all scripted and choreographed, before it became more about entertainment than sport.
I would love to hear your comments regarding what you think is the best or worst spanking you have ever seen or someone you would like to see spank someone (my pick would be the previously mentioned Mr. Crowe), etc. This is an interesting subject to me and I am sure it is interesting to more than a few of you.
Have a great evening everyone!
Case in point: "Kiss Me Kate". I'm talking about the Howard Keel/Kathryn Grayson movie version. I have never seen such a big guy give such a soft spanking in my life. Now, in fairness, I am a big fan of what I call "the build up" to the spanking and this one was very good. But as far I am concerned, it's a big build up to nothing. How did this scene become a classic? It is poorly done. How did Grayson even feel those soft little slaps through that velvet dress of hers?
I have also seen spankings that were horribly botched. How can you call it a spanking if the person doing the spanking only finds the bottom once or twice during the entire "spanking"? This happened mostly in foreign films done in the 60's or 70's. Wasn't there anyone around to show someone how to give a realistic spanking?
But some of them were really, really well done. I think "Bunker Bean" is one of my favorites. The build up was first rate and the spanking was very realistic, almost too realistic. The girl (and I'm sorry her name escapes me) told him, "You're nothing but a miserable little clerk!" Well, ladies and gentlemen, that "miserable little clerk" sent her out of the room crying and rubbing her bottom. Sure, maybe it wasn't his place to spank her, but someone needed to do it.
Another movie I like with a great spanking is "The Taming Of Trudy Bell". I believe this movie is from 1968. Things were done differently in those days, I guess. The only person of note in the film is, of course, the guy doing the spanking. Someone has said it was the same guy who played "Billy Jack" a few years later. It looks like him, but I can't be sure because I've never seen the movie except for the spanking. It is well done and the "heroine" of the story certainly had it coming.
Where movie spankings are concerned, "Blue Hawaii" is the exemplar. Elvis probably gained a lot of fans with this scene. I have always heard he argued to have the scene left out, but the girl insisted on it. My kind of girl if this is true! Anyway, if Elvis had had his way and the scene was left out, spankingdom would have missed out on a very well done spanking scene. Is it just me or does it look like Elvis has had a girl or two over his knee before this?
I am really sorry that, in these politically correct times, we can't have spankings in movies anymore unless it's for comic value or sexual titillation. There are certainly actors in this day and age I wouldn't mind seeing spank a woman. Can you say Russell Crowe? lol
As it is, these are what we are left with. "McClintock!" offers us not one but two memorable spanking scenes. I prefer the one with the young people, John Wayne's son, Patrick and Stephanie Powers in it. Everyone knows Stephanie had a thing for this. Seems she was spanked in almost everything she did. Anyone ever see her in that episode of "Lancer" that she did in the early 70's? That one melts my heart, too.
So some of the movie and TV spankings are very well known (those I Love Lucy episodes) and some are obscure, such as those foreign films that you really have to search to find. I don't count adult films, since you can find spanking in many adult films. I am talking about those mainstream movies or TV shows.
To show you how spanking drew the crowds, here is a little story. Evidently, it used to be very popular to put out an advertisement for a movie showing a woman being spanked. You would be lured to the theater and guess what? No spanking. In those early days, everyone knew spanking sold tickets.
Another area of television where you can see a spanking every now and then is professional wrestling. In the 80's and 90's it was pretty common to see a huge professional wrestler turn some diva over his knee. Now men don't do that as much because they don't want to get the reputation of a "woman beater". Mostly the spanking action now is girl on girl and that's ok if you are a college guy just watching for laughs. Some of those older "wrestling spankings" are quite well known. Some of them have never been seen "unedited", like the infamous Billy Joe Travis/Toni Adams spanking that occured in Texas in 1989. I have never seen a version of this that wasn't pixilated or edited in some way. I think an unedited version must exist somewhere and I would love to see it if it were ever found. Many of the spankings in wrestling occured before it was all scripted and choreographed, before it became more about entertainment than sport.
I would love to hear your comments regarding what you think is the best or worst spanking you have ever seen or someone you would like to see spank someone (my pick would be the previously mentioned Mr. Crowe), etc. This is an interesting subject to me and I am sure it is interesting to more than a few of you.
Have a great evening everyone!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Scene Party Etiquette
Hi everyone!
Having just sent my party fee in for the March Crimson Moon party, I think it's a good day to post my feelings about rules and etiquette. Yes, there are rules and yes, there is a certain way to behave at parties.
I think some people come to their first party with very high expectations or just horrible preconceived notions about how the women act and how the men treat them. I've seen people post to groups who say they either didn't have a good time at a party or they didn't play with anyone. I have always been of the opinion that one makes one's own good time. If you have a lousy time at a party, there is usually enough blame to go around.
I have always told newbies that they could email me privately and I will try to answer their questions regarding how to behave, what to wear, etc. Some of the questions have been eye-opening to say the least. One gentleman was surprised when I explained to him, "If you ask someone to play and they say 'no', just accept it gracefully. She might change her mind later if you aren't pushy."
He replied, "Bottoms can say no? I thought they had to play with whoever asked them." I have gotten that response more than I care to. Needless to say, I explained that bottoms at parties can turn down a request to play whenever they like. Can you imagine the shape our bottoms would be in if we had to say "yes" to everyone's offer to play? I doubt I would even go to a party where I was told I had to play with everyone who asked me. I mean, what if their style wasn't the same as mine? What if they turned out to be dangerous?
So, that's the number one rule: no means no, whether it means saying "no" to an offer to play or whether it's to a certain act or toy after a bottom has agreed to play. No means no. It's the thing that gets me up on my soapbox like nothing else.
Secondly, be polite. Don't act like you're in a frat house or a titty bar or treat the women at the party like we're strippers. We aren't. Most of us are ladies who respond to being treated that way.
Make a conscious effort to look your best. I'm not talking about the most expensive clothes or anything. I'm talking about taking time with your appearance, taking the time to look like you care what you look like. Don't dress like a slob and then wonder why most of the people you asked to play with you declined your offer. This is true of both men and women, tops and bottoms. Most people will not play with someone who smells or who's clothes are dirty or who looks like they are wearing the same clothes they slept in. People pay money to attend the parties and the owners go out of their way to give us a nice place to play.
I suppose another thing I would say is don't interrupt when people are playing. No, this isn't like a dungeon where there are monitors and people who's job it is make sure everyone's on their best behavior. Usually when you attend a spanking party, you are put on your honor. Assume if you wouldn't like someone to interject themselves into your scene, they probably wouldn't like it if you did the same to them. The people playing consented to play. Even if it is in public, in full view of everyone, keep your hands (and everything else) to yourself unless you are asked by all participants to join in. Treat people the way you would like to be treated.
By all means, join in conversations and get to know people but don't make a nuisance of yourself and don't act like an expert if you aren't. You can learn a lot more by listening to others. Spanking people are some of the nicest, most accepting people I have ever met and, usually, new people are welcomed with open arms. But there are things you absolutely don't ever do at a party. You don't lie about your experience. If you have never spanked anyone before, say so. No one will laugh at you or make fun of you. Many of the bottoms I know like being someone's first ever spankee. Likewise, if you're never been spanked before, for safety's sake, please make that known. It is very dangerous to lie about your experience or lack of it. And anyway, lack of experience quickly shows and the person you're playing with will resent that you weren't truthful. A Top who's never spanked anyone before needs to be trained and taught proper spanking technique and safe spanking practices. I am a bottom who delights in helping tops learn the safest, most fun way to spank. I have said in several other posts that I value honesty above anything else, in the scene or anywhere else.
Next I would say don't assume. By that, I mean don't assume anything. Don't assume the lady you are going off to play with will do whatever you want just because she agreed to play. Always negotiate with someone, even if you've played with them before. People change and what they found enjoyable at the last party (or even the last time you played) they may not like this time.
And this is most important: do not assume you are going to get lucky or that anything sexual is going to happen. To me, the worst behavior at a party is when anyone (man or woman, top or bottom) meets someone, agrees to play with them and makes sexual demands on them after they were told no one would push them into anything. This is piggish behavior of the rudest order and, in most reputable groups, it's cause for expulsion. If you want sex, bring someone with you for the purpose. Don't expect some stranger at a spanking party to serve your sexual needs. I'm not saying things don't happen in the heat of the moment, but negotiate anything sexual ahead of time. And, certainly, when you are playing with someone for the first time, don't attempt anything sexual. This has happened to me and it's bewildering and makes me very angry.
If you do happen to do something that the bottom construes as a violation of club rules, by all means, own up to it, apologize for it and then NEVER do it again.
When you are cleared by club owners to attend a party, they have put their trust in you that you will behave and follow club rules. I would say 99 times out of 100 everyone has a good time and enjoys a relaxing and fun weekend when going to a spanking party. It takes one person who thinks they are above the rules; one person who thinks the rules don't apply to them; one person who thinks they know more than anyone else to ruin it for everyone.
I'll post more on this subject later because this one ran a little long. Thanks everyone for letting me ramble. I sure hope I didn't sound too negative! LOL
Have a great day everyone!
Having just sent my party fee in for the March Crimson Moon party, I think it's a good day to post my feelings about rules and etiquette. Yes, there are rules and yes, there is a certain way to behave at parties.
I think some people come to their first party with very high expectations or just horrible preconceived notions about how the women act and how the men treat them. I've seen people post to groups who say they either didn't have a good time at a party or they didn't play with anyone. I have always been of the opinion that one makes one's own good time. If you have a lousy time at a party, there is usually enough blame to go around.
I have always told newbies that they could email me privately and I will try to answer their questions regarding how to behave, what to wear, etc. Some of the questions have been eye-opening to say the least. One gentleman was surprised when I explained to him, "If you ask someone to play and they say 'no', just accept it gracefully. She might change her mind later if you aren't pushy."
He replied, "Bottoms can say no? I thought they had to play with whoever asked them." I have gotten that response more than I care to. Needless to say, I explained that bottoms at parties can turn down a request to play whenever they like. Can you imagine the shape our bottoms would be in if we had to say "yes" to everyone's offer to play? I doubt I would even go to a party where I was told I had to play with everyone who asked me. I mean, what if their style wasn't the same as mine? What if they turned out to be dangerous?
So, that's the number one rule: no means no, whether it means saying "no" to an offer to play or whether it's to a certain act or toy after a bottom has agreed to play. No means no. It's the thing that gets me up on my soapbox like nothing else.
Secondly, be polite. Don't act like you're in a frat house or a titty bar or treat the women at the party like we're strippers. We aren't. Most of us are ladies who respond to being treated that way.
Make a conscious effort to look your best. I'm not talking about the most expensive clothes or anything. I'm talking about taking time with your appearance, taking the time to look like you care what you look like. Don't dress like a slob and then wonder why most of the people you asked to play with you declined your offer. This is true of both men and women, tops and bottoms. Most people will not play with someone who smells or who's clothes are dirty or who looks like they are wearing the same clothes they slept in. People pay money to attend the parties and the owners go out of their way to give us a nice place to play.
I suppose another thing I would say is don't interrupt when people are playing. No, this isn't like a dungeon where there are monitors and people who's job it is make sure everyone's on their best behavior. Usually when you attend a spanking party, you are put on your honor. Assume if you wouldn't like someone to interject themselves into your scene, they probably wouldn't like it if you did the same to them. The people playing consented to play. Even if it is in public, in full view of everyone, keep your hands (and everything else) to yourself unless you are asked by all participants to join in. Treat people the way you would like to be treated.
By all means, join in conversations and get to know people but don't make a nuisance of yourself and don't act like an expert if you aren't. You can learn a lot more by listening to others. Spanking people are some of the nicest, most accepting people I have ever met and, usually, new people are welcomed with open arms. But there are things you absolutely don't ever do at a party. You don't lie about your experience. If you have never spanked anyone before, say so. No one will laugh at you or make fun of you. Many of the bottoms I know like being someone's first ever spankee. Likewise, if you're never been spanked before, for safety's sake, please make that known. It is very dangerous to lie about your experience or lack of it. And anyway, lack of experience quickly shows and the person you're playing with will resent that you weren't truthful. A Top who's never spanked anyone before needs to be trained and taught proper spanking technique and safe spanking practices. I am a bottom who delights in helping tops learn the safest, most fun way to spank. I have said in several other posts that I value honesty above anything else, in the scene or anywhere else.
Next I would say don't assume. By that, I mean don't assume anything. Don't assume the lady you are going off to play with will do whatever you want just because she agreed to play. Always negotiate with someone, even if you've played with them before. People change and what they found enjoyable at the last party (or even the last time you played) they may not like this time.
And this is most important: do not assume you are going to get lucky or that anything sexual is going to happen. To me, the worst behavior at a party is when anyone (man or woman, top or bottom) meets someone, agrees to play with them and makes sexual demands on them after they were told no one would push them into anything. This is piggish behavior of the rudest order and, in most reputable groups, it's cause for expulsion. If you want sex, bring someone with you for the purpose. Don't expect some stranger at a spanking party to serve your sexual needs. I'm not saying things don't happen in the heat of the moment, but negotiate anything sexual ahead of time. And, certainly, when you are playing with someone for the first time, don't attempt anything sexual. This has happened to me and it's bewildering and makes me very angry.
If you do happen to do something that the bottom construes as a violation of club rules, by all means, own up to it, apologize for it and then NEVER do it again.
When you are cleared by club owners to attend a party, they have put their trust in you that you will behave and follow club rules. I would say 99 times out of 100 everyone has a good time and enjoys a relaxing and fun weekend when going to a spanking party. It takes one person who thinks they are above the rules; one person who thinks the rules don't apply to them; one person who thinks they know more than anyone else to ruin it for everyone.
I'll post more on this subject later because this one ran a little long. Thanks everyone for letting me ramble. I sure hope I didn't sound too negative! LOL
Have a great day everyone!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Lighten Up
I had a nice chat with a gentleman the other night that I thought I'd mention here. This particular gentleman had read my Yahoo profile and had read some of this blog and he was curious about exactly what I meant when I said I play "just for fun".
Oy...you know sometimes I can't understand why people read so much into one little phrase. We aren't discussing the theory of relativity or trying to decipher what a poet means by his words. I mean how difficult can it be to understand the three little words "just for fun"? Why is the concept that someone might play just for the fun of it so hard for some people to grasp?
He was very polite to me (after I put him in his place for asking me questions I regarded as too personal and inappropriate) but like some other people he thought only in terms of discipline or sex when it came to spanking. I am very happy to say that he came away from our chat with a better understanding and appreciation for the "just for fun" spanking.
He still can't understand how a woman who's favorite toy is the cane thinks this is "fun" but to each his own I suppose. I told him the best advice I could give him (or anyone for that matter) would be to lighten up his attitude regarding spanking. It's not always serious and it's not always a learning experience and it's not always about who's in charge...although those things have their place for some people and that's fine.
You can absolutely have a good time without those things. And there's a place for them. I guess what I'm trying to say (and this is the new more positive me talking here) is that I finally got a Dom to understand my point of view. He wasn't just paying it lip service. He wasn't patronizing or condescending. He really understood. I breathed a sigh of relief. Although the thought of just playing for fun, so both people get equal enjoyment, was something he was curious to try. So maybe I'll be lucky enough to help this gentleman see just what "just for fun" really means.
At first, he thought "just for fun" was my cute little euphemism for "just for sex". It was challenging to help him change his attitude from "this is about me" to "this is about both of us". I got a very nice email from this gentleman this morning in which he thanked me for "teaching him a good
lesson".
I am convinced of his sincerity but I know he is still a Dom who has to be in charge and that's fine with me. But he also sees this from another point of view; one he hadn't necessarily thought of before. And isn't that a learning experience?
Have a great day everyone!
Oy...you know sometimes I can't understand why people read so much into one little phrase. We aren't discussing the theory of relativity or trying to decipher what a poet means by his words. I mean how difficult can it be to understand the three little words "just for fun"? Why is the concept that someone might play just for the fun of it so hard for some people to grasp?
He was very polite to me (after I put him in his place for asking me questions I regarded as too personal and inappropriate) but like some other people he thought only in terms of discipline or sex when it came to spanking. I am very happy to say that he came away from our chat with a better understanding and appreciation for the "just for fun" spanking.
He still can't understand how a woman who's favorite toy is the cane thinks this is "fun" but to each his own I suppose. I told him the best advice I could give him (or anyone for that matter) would be to lighten up his attitude regarding spanking. It's not always serious and it's not always a learning experience and it's not always about who's in charge...although those things have their place for some people and that's fine.
You can absolutely have a good time without those things. And there's a place for them. I guess what I'm trying to say (and this is the new more positive me talking here) is that I finally got a Dom to understand my point of view. He wasn't just paying it lip service. He wasn't patronizing or condescending. He really understood. I breathed a sigh of relief. Although the thought of just playing for fun, so both people get equal enjoyment, was something he was curious to try. So maybe I'll be lucky enough to help this gentleman see just what "just for fun" really means.
At first, he thought "just for fun" was my cute little euphemism for "just for sex". It was challenging to help him change his attitude from "this is about me" to "this is about both of us". I got a very nice email from this gentleman this morning in which he thanked me for "teaching him a good
lesson".
I am convinced of his sincerity but I know he is still a Dom who has to be in charge and that's fine with me. But he also sees this from another point of view; one he hadn't necessarily thought of before. And isn't that a learning experience?
Have a great day everyone!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Happy New Year's Resolutions
I can't believe another year has gone by. Where does the time go? I guess it's like my father always told me, it's a sign of age when the years start going by fast.
I had been going through my posts on this blog and one thing struck me above all others: I can't believe how negative some of my posts sound. The people who read this must wonder why I am in the scene at all since it seems like I get no enjoyment out of spanking. This isn't true in the least but I couldn't blame anyone for feeling that way. So one of my New Year's resolutions is going to be to find something positive to post about more often. I think it's human nature that we often study the negative more than the positive. And there is so much to be positive about with the spanking scene. I have met so many new people this past year, people who are enthusiastic about being in the scene. I admit that at times I am ambivalent about it. Then it takes meeting a new spanking friend or going to a really fun party to snap me out of it. But with the advent of the Internet, people are meeting and getting active in the scene where before they might have just left it a fantasy. I just wish the Internet had come along when I was 21 or so. Imagine the fun we would have had if it had come along sooner?
So one of my resolutions is going to be to find positive things to post about more often. I was going to say every day, but I think when making resolutions one should be realistic.
So look forward to seeing more positive posts from me in the near future. I am very sorry it's been a month since I last posted. I have been very busy (I work retail and this time of year is very busy) but I promise not to neglect my blog so badly.
I have another birthday coming up (it's on New Year's Eve so you can imagine I have had some fun birthdays!) and I am so very glad to be here to celebrate another one.
I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and I wish you all a very Happy and Healthy New Year!
Love,
Cigi
I had been going through my posts on this blog and one thing struck me above all others: I can't believe how negative some of my posts sound. The people who read this must wonder why I am in the scene at all since it seems like I get no enjoyment out of spanking. This isn't true in the least but I couldn't blame anyone for feeling that way. So one of my New Year's resolutions is going to be to find something positive to post about more often. I think it's human nature that we often study the negative more than the positive. And there is so much to be positive about with the spanking scene. I have met so many new people this past year, people who are enthusiastic about being in the scene. I admit that at times I am ambivalent about it. Then it takes meeting a new spanking friend or going to a really fun party to snap me out of it. But with the advent of the Internet, people are meeting and getting active in the scene where before they might have just left it a fantasy. I just wish the Internet had come along when I was 21 or so. Imagine the fun we would have had if it had come along sooner?
So one of my resolutions is going to be to find positive things to post about more often. I was going to say every day, but I think when making resolutions one should be realistic.
So look forward to seeing more positive posts from me in the near future. I am very sorry it's been a month since I last posted. I have been very busy (I work retail and this time of year is very busy) but I promise not to neglect my blog so badly.
I have another birthday coming up (it's on New Year's Eve so you can imagine I have had some fun birthdays!) and I am so very glad to be here to celebrate another one.
I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and I wish you all a very Happy and Healthy New Year!
Love,
Cigi
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